The ‘win-win’ syndrome...and its pitfalls!

I was watching the ongoing India-England series when an advertisement grabbed my attention. It was Shah Rukh Khan (complete with overgrown cranial fungus) bleating about how the team was focused on ‘jeet, jeet aur sirf jeet’ (victory, victory and only victory). It was all part of the promotion of a film titled - decidedly eccentrically- “Chake De India” (yes, it rhymes with something rather coarse but then hey, the director was asking for it when he chose the title)

But it set my rather ‘umble mind ticking – is focusing on victory enough? On paper, that sounds good. After all, winning is rather important – to the victor go the spoils and all that sort of rot. And if one can focus on victory, surely success is assured.

Uh-huh. Neat. There’s just one teeny little problem.

Your opponent (s).

No matter how much you prepare to pulverise him, her or it. No matter how determined you are to win, the person or team standing in your way will always have a chance to stop you. All you can do is your best. And hope that it is enough. Not doing your best – now, that is criminal. And focusing purely on victory can actually take attention away from doing your best. Quite simply because sometimes you come out on top even though you know that you did not really do your best. If you are focusing on victory, you will feel that you have achieved your objective and celebrate, but the truth will be that you just got lucky and need to work harder.

All of which makes me realise that Baron Pierre be Coubertin (the lad credited with being the father of the modern Olympic Games) got it right when he said:

“The important thing in life is not victory but combat; it is not to have vanquished but to have fought well.”

Another problem about the winning-is-all-that-matters attitude is that it tends to make one focus on oneself and not accord any respect to one’s opponent. These days, it is common to one see people snarling at those they assume are their rivals, whether in sport or romance or profession! A bit of respect would surely not hurt. As one of the most memorable pieces of advertising messages about the Olympics said:

"You are my adversary, you are not my enemy.
For your existence gives me strength,
Your will gives me courage,
Your spirit ennobles me;
Though I aim to defeat you,
Should I succeed, I won't humiliate you.
Instead, I would honour you,
For without you, I would be a lesser man."

And do not give me that rot about ‘no one remembers losers.’ What about Leonidas of Sparta and his stand at Thermopylae? What about Rana Pratap at Haldighati? What about the Rani of Jhansi?

It’s not all about winning. Believe me.

To pee or not to pee: that is the question

The title says it all.

Saturday morning at work - with a couple of stories yet to be filed, a few more pages yet to be designed and a few more complaints yet to be heard, the question in title seems far important at the moment than anything else. After all, Saturday is the day when our office building would not get any water supply :P

Well, I got to know that this is going to be dry Saturday yesterday itself when I read a notice put up next to the lifts. Later on during the day, a colleague of mine jumped into office saying "you know there wouldn't be any water tomorrow"!!!

Anyway, I had almost forgotten about it until today morning while on my way to office I got an SMS from another colleague wishing me "a lovely day at Sahara", no water at Sahara - the desert and no water here. What a parallel, I must say. Just made my day aah, so amazing. Anyway, it has just been a few hours since I have landed in office and there are a couple of more hours to go. The only compensation is that you aren't the only one here.

My Idea of Perfect Love

Everyone has his or her own notion of perfect love. Well, mine was the one between Modesty Blaise and Willie Garvin – the duo from Peter O’Donnell’s Modesty Blaise series.

They were not married. They did not make any romantic declarations. Nor do anything remotely romantic – no candlelight dinners, no flowers, no passionate kisses, no twisting in the sheets....nix!

No, they were just there for each other. Time and time again. Whether it was getting the other out of a spot of trouble, tending to a wound, or just terminating the lives of some ladies (and many gentlemen) who had dared harm one of them. They thought on the same lines, quite often not even needing to talk to communicate – a look sufficed. It was a relationship that very few people (if any at all) understood. They were not lovers in the strictest sense of the word, but were closer than perhaps two lovers ever could be. To her, he was “Willie, love” and to him, she was always “Princess.”

Willie Garvin perhaps summed it up best in the first book of the series (Modesty Blaise) when he was asked if he did not feel bad about seeing Modesty Blaise in the arms of another man:

“I’m a different page of the book to Hagan (Modesty’s lover at that time).But if you come right down to it, I bet he’d rather be where I am than where is.”

Aye, that’s love all right. In my book, that is.

Some people want to be Prince Charming. Others aspire to be Casanovas. Still others dream of being tall, dark and handsome (and these days, utterly unshaven) hunks.

Me? I would be content to be someone’s Willie Garvin.

Friends :)

Anu (Model, Varno Ma, Mudit's darling - I run out of the names we call her), Me, Rohit, Mudit

(From left to right)

Friends :)

Donny, me, Alex, Isha and Buddha

(From left to right)

The Personal vs Professional Debate

Should one judge a friend by what he or she does as a professional? It is a question that has puzzled me for years. I really envy the people who go about claiming that they keep professional and personal issues apart. For my part, I have failed spectacularly in doing so.

This has been particularly the case over the past few months. My relationship with some of my closest friends has been strained purely because of what they did on a professional level – things which ranged from rank insensitivity to grossly irresponsible behaviour. My other friends told me that I was being stupid and that I should not really worry about what a person does as long as it does not affect my personal relationship with him/her. But is that really possible?

Two of the foundations of friendship are trust and mutual respect. How on earth does one respect someone who goes about doing something that might harm other people or even society in general. Yes, one can excuse such extreme behaviour if the person involved had no other choice – one has, after all, to survive. But if the person does something wrong cold-bloodedly and what’s worse, thinks that he/she has actually done the right thing...well, that’s different, isn’t it?

Of course, there have been the usual accusations against me – who am I to judge others, especially my friends; why don’t I trust my friends blindly; why should I worry about what my friends do as long as it does not affect me, etc. To all this, there’s a straightforward answer – I love my friends, but I also detest anything that I feel is fundamentally wrong. And truth be told, I would find it very difficult to like somebody who I felt was involved in something that harmed others. Call it an exaggerated sense of honour, call it being holier-than-thou, or what you will; it is just the way I am. For me, personal and professional lives can never be separated because, hey, they involve the same person. How on earth can you like someone who has a very nice nature and is impeccably behaved, but files false reports in publications without any qualms?

Yes, I do love my friends, but I do not subscribe to the ‘love is blind’ doctrine. I prefer to keep my eyes open, thank you very much. And I would rather have a few honest acquaintances around me than a bunch of loyal but professionally dishonest friends.

“I am good!” Duh...

“Hi! How are you? I am good!”

I wish I had a penny for every time I have heard that daft bit of conversation. The standard response to how one was used to be “I am fine,” but for some reason, it has since graduated to “I am good.” Now, the fact is that while one of the dictionary meanings of “fine” is “in good health and feeling well,” “good” has no such meaning. In fact, when you say a person is “good,” you seldom mean that he or she is in good health. You are more likely to be referring to his or her character or nature or their ability in a particular skill.

So, why the blazes do so many people bleat “I am good,” when asked about the state of their health? What do they say when they are ill? “Hi! I am bad”?

I know the defenders of modern speech will be up in arms and will holler that I am raising a non-issue and what one says matters little as long as the meaning is conveyed. And that is a fair point, especially when one is dealing with complex terms and jargon, but I fail to see how saying “I am good” is more convenient than saying “I am fine” - the latter is in fact a shorter sentence! “I am good” reeks more of a statement of character than of health.

Of course, I am sure that, stupid and irrelevant as it is, it will continue to grow in usage. Maybe a year from now, we will hear “How are you? I am excellent!”

Trust us to muck up a simple language!

Hoping for a Good Year

I tend to consider my birthday as a New Year’s Day (hell, my year begins on that day!) and so, after I had counted presents (and told seven different friends how it felt to be 36) , I sat down and did something that I have done religiously for more than a dozen years now – went through the twelve months that had just passed, searching for highs and lows and trying to see if there were any lessons to be learnt.

They were perhaps among the most event-filled months I have lived in for a while. In purely emotional terms, this was a year I would love to forget. In October 2006, I was very close to four people. By July 2007, I could not trust any of them (although I remain on talking terms with three). I also ended up reducing my involvement in an organisation to which I owed a lot and one that I never thought I would leave. Twelve months is a long time.

Of course, there were positives. I think I did some of my best writing (which is not saying much, really) in the January-July 2007 period. I read a lot, spent more time with my friends, made a few new friends, and rediscovered some old ones. I also rediscovered my love for music – something I had lost way back in 1999.

And there were quite a few lessons to be learned too. A friend said I need to be more assertive and should seek, rather than avoid, confrontation. Another says I should also stop being shy and self-conscious. A third suggests that I stop under-rating my work and stop being ‘such a modest blighter.’ Other suggestions included thinking less, partying more, reading less, developing a taste for alcohol...feel free to add to the list. Just remember that it is rather difficult for a 36-year-old to change.

Not surprisingly, all the turmoil of the past few months has made me steer clear of making any resolutions for my forthcoming year. Yes, there are things I would like to do and words I would like to say, or like to hear others say. Most of all, I would perhaps like to be able to trust one person the way I trusted four barely a few months ago. Will it happen? I don’t really know. And to be honest, I am not too optimistic. But while I can make no resolutions, I can perhaps hope.

Twelve months, after all, is a long time.

Want a fresh perspective? Fall sick!

I spent most of the last week in bed, laid up with a fever that had my temperature imitating the Sensex at its best. I was bloody miserable.

But it did put a lot of things in perspective. I suddenly realised the importance of being able to enjoy one’s meal or to be able to chat to one’s friends. Heck, I even found out a lot about many of my friends – I was amazed at the utter lack of attention some of them paid me, later claiming that they did not want to ‘disturb’ me. Incidentally, it is fascinating how many people avoid calling you when you are sick because they do not want to disturb you but have no problems calling you at work, when you are actually busy! I don’t know about you, but I have always welcomed anyone who is willing to talk to me when I am sick. Being ill is a rather lonely business.

Anyway, as my temperature dipped, I realised that there are a few things that are as, if not more, important than meeting deadlines and worrying about meetings – a good appetite, a normal temperature, and friends who care.

If you too need a fresh perspective, I would recommend falling thoroughly ill. It will change the way you think. Well, for a while at least.

Happy times at office: a bunch of VOPs (very overworked people) :D who share a love-hate relationship with each other depending on whether they are in or out of office. As Adi recently philosophised, it's the people who matter :)

Rajjo, Adi, Sunny bhai (aka manpreet) and me (Bobby) - from Left to Right

Obsessed with clouds

Shadows...

Singapore from the sky

Grades...admissions...crushes...affairs...breakups...MARRIAGE?????????

Life is one funny journey. Things around you change and change so fast that at times you find yourself unable to keep pace with it.

The last few months have been all about most of my acquaintances getting married - it used to sound like one big celebration till it was happening to someone else. However, perspective changes when things happen to people close to you.

Very recently, three very close have informed - two of them via e-mails and the third one via call respectively, that they are getting engaged followed by marriage very soon. Believe it or not, the first thing that comes in to your mind is Oh Shit!!!

I mean these are the guys you have grown up with - cribbing about grades or crushes - the most diheartening being a break up or tough time at work. But Marriage - it always was a part of your conversation but you were never at it. But now...Oh shit!!!

It's a funny feeling - somehow that friend's better half is always going to be around and you will never have your friend all to yourself. Somehow the two of them will always have things to talk about that you cannot even relate to. Somehow you cannot understand why and how this one change has changed and will change your equations completely. I mean you can no longer call up at 12 am and abuse your friend for not having called you or for having missed your birthday - the chances of which are all the more strong now that they will have better distractions in life.

Hmmmmm. Probably all this is just an outcome of not knowing how to react. Probably, I would be dancing around at all three marriages and be happy as ever and wishing them good luck. But for now, it's not sinking in.

Office Office!!! – A typical day during deadline

Okay, so yet another day in office, yet another deadline and yet again the same old crib stories :D
Those much dreaded days, hours, minutes, secoonds and milliseconds are back once again. My office turns into one little zoo around the first week of every month. We are a small team and usually it so happens that the designer, the DTP guy or the writers just go missing. I mean people have better priorities in life than just delivering this 'baby' every month.

A routine scene around the first week is like this - enter office, call up the designer, the art director, the DTP guy, the photographer, production guy etc etc so that you almost wonder if you are a reporter or a tele caller. Calling up people isn't the end of your work, if pictures, fonts, e-mails , people disappear, you are supposed to arrange for them.

Calling up isn't the word actually. Literally beg these people to grace office with their presence - the magazine can't go to print without their expert contribution. The mind does wonder whether these 'professional' people with all those years of experience shouldn't be in on their own? Anyway, we understand their priorities - taking the dog for a walk, sleeping, watching a movie -are different and are far more important.

Well, this is an important learning process, you have been told, so you learn month after month.
Phew!!! How I wish they had also taught us this at the journalism school.

A few good people...

Yesterday,two of my colleagues and I were a bit late in getting out of office (heck, it was issue closing time). We called for two cabs – one for them, another for me, as we lived in different parts of the city. When informed that the cabs had arrived, we clambered down the stairs (one of us insisting on making ghostly sounds in the dark) and headed to the parking lot.

Only to discover that only my colleagues’ cab had turned up. Mine had got delayed. It was almost ten in the night and a fine drizzle was hitting the street. They had been working longer than I had and were both tired. One of them had a long way to go in particular. I told them I would wait for my cab to turn up. I told them to hop in and get on their way.

Like heck they did.

They waited. For my cab.

Their cab driver kept muttering about getting late. They ignored him and waited, parking me in the front seat for good measure (it was raining, after all). One of them kept calling the cab agency to make sure that they were sending something for me. Another sat around wishing for a device that would blow up whenever she was angry (yes, she does have a penchant for saying stuff that is out of context). When not calling, the first would keep reminding me to have a good yell at my cab driver when he did turn up. We talked about work, why people called at the oddest times, and about how nice Connaught Place looked at night.

After about twenty minutes, we were told that my cab driver was on his way. They could have left then. They didn’t. They waited. And kept chattering away merrily.

Almost forty minutes later, my cab turned up. And they finally waved me a cheery goodbye. They could have left much earlier and been home and dry. But they chose to wait for a colleague who would otherwise have been left alone in the rain.

There are still good people in Delhi.

I know.

I work with two of them.

That's Life

I usually avoid any visits to the market – especially so if it is an early morning visit to the nearby grocery shop. Nevertheless, being alone at home I had no option (other than to starve myself) but to go to Sonu’s shop to get eggs and bread for breakfast. I was there still trying to wake up, this heat does make one drowsy and even 10 hours of sleep seem less.

Well, getting back to the shop, I was waiting for my things to get packed and that is when this tiny, young little girl popped up in the shop. She came from the slums located nearby (thanks to these slums that we have our Kanta otherwise life would have been even more hectic). Anyway, more about Kanta in some other post.

So this girl got into the shop and asked the shopkeeper for a sachet of shampoo. What happened next was a revelation for me. This girl kept pointing her finger at the rows of shampoo sachets hung in the shop. However, the shopkeeper was not able to understand which one, after all there were so many of them there. Tracing down what this little girl was pointing at, I wondered to myself for a second that why didn’t she simply mention the name ‘Sunsilk Pink’. And then, within the next few seconds, I realised, she did not understand what Pink and Sunsilk meant. The shopkeeper asked her to stand on the stool and hold the one she was trying to point. She finally got the shampoo she was looking for but I was left rather shocked.

I mean we just take so many things for granted. What amazed me the most was the fact that someone might not know express something that just came so naturally to me or to anyone else in my capacity.