It’s been a strange kind of week. One of my heroes, Anita Roddick, passed away. And I also decided to finally give up on two people who had been rather close to me in recent times. Neither knows it yet – there has been no screaming or howling or any major show of temper – but I guess each will figure it out in due course.
A number of people have told me that friendship is basically about being comfortable in another person’s company. It’s about being able to have a coffee or meal together. Or having a shoulder to cry on when you feel low.
It is that. But for me, it is just a bit more.
It is a sharing of values, not just sentiment. A friend of mine represents a bit of me wherever he or she goes. In a manner of speaking, your friend is your ambassador, representing what you believe in. It is not just a matter of being able to sit together and talk for hours, although that does help. It is a matter of empathy – of knowing exactly what a person will, or should, do. Of knowing what is dear to a person. Of being aware that what you do can hurt another person.
Some people say that friends should not judge each other. I disagree. No one is above judgement. And certainly not those closest to me.
I think I can still – and I will, in all probability – talk to both of them, and in very pleasant terms too. But well, they are going to be pleasant acquaintances rather than friends. Because both have (deliberately or inadvertently) managed to do things that I think are dishonourable, dishonest and petty.
To be honest, I think they will be better off without me. Who wants to be saddled with a hypersensitive, touchy person who expects the world from them?
As for me, my status message this week said it all: I am down two friends and a hero. And I am not looking for replacements.
Mind you, they would be welcome, if they do turn up. It can get a trifle lonely sometimes.
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